


Another Brick in the Trust Bridge

by serendipityxxi



Category: Haven (TV)
Genre: Episode: s02e06 Audrey Parker's Day Off, F/M, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-01
Updated: 2015-07-01
Packaged: 2018-04-07 02:13:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4245621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/serendipityxxi/pseuds/serendipityxxi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Audrey jerks awake in the cab of Nathan's old truck, her heart beating frantically against her ribs. Nathan grabs her shoulders, eyes wide with surprise in the dark.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Another Brick in the Trust Bridge

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Disclaimed.

Audrey jerks awake in the cab of Nathan's old truck, her heart beating frantically against her ribs.

"Parker?" Nathan grabs her shoulders, eyes wide with surprise in the dark. "Parker, it's okay!" He says and she wants so badly to believe this is real but what if it isn't? Someone is breathing loud and panicked nearby, she almost doesn't hear it when Nathan shouts, "Parker!" again. He gives her a shake. "You're okay," he insists and his voice and his hands ground her, drag her over the threshold between dreams and wakefulness. 

"Nathan!" she gasps and is ashamed how close to a whimper that was. She bites down on her lower lip, hard. In the silence she realizes she was the one about to hyperventilate. 

Audrey takes a breath, eyes darting around taking in the familiar lines of the cab of the truck, the streetlight down the block, the inky blackness of the bushes outside the windows. This is real. This is now. No more groundhog day.

Nathan’s still talking, saying her name, 

"Hey, Parker..." he starts, tone low and soothing, hands drifting to her elbows.

She has to get ahold of herself. She’s freaking him out. "I'm fine, Nathan," she interrupts whatever he’s saying. Her voice wobbles, betraying her.

He scoffs and moves to turn on the overhead light in the truck and let their perp know their exact location. She grabs his hand before he can, pulls it down, takes a deep breath.

"I'm fine, Nathan," she repeats, voice steadier. "It was just a bad dream." 

Audrey settles back into her seat and after a couple moments Nathan does too. She can’t bring herself to let go of his hand though neither of them mentions it. Audrey takes slow deep breaths and ignores Nathan’s curious stare. He slides his fingers between hers after it’s clear she’s not going to talk, squeezes her hand. It’s…nice. It feels nice. Comforting in a way that she cannot remember holding anyone’s hand has ever felt. 

"Sorry about falling asleep," she finally offers the window over his shoulder rather than meeting his gaze.

Nathan opens his mouth to speak and closes it again. She knows he sees the blue shadows under her eyes, the tired line of her mouth. She knows he knows she hasn't been sleeping well lately. He could push her to talk, hell she could talk to him on her own, she knows he’d listen. But really, what would she say?

Instead he shakes his head. "You didn't miss anything," he assures her. "George Cooper still hasn't come home," he fills her in, naming the troubled person they suspect of stealing from the jewelry store downtown. And she is so grateful to him for this path back to normalcy, to helping the Troubled. She hates the dreams when they come, hates how helpless they make her feel. 

"Y'know the Cooper family's Trouble..." he drones on about the different Coopers and the things they've done with their sticky fingers trouble until Audrey starts to nod off again. Nathan reaches out and tugs her head down on his shoulder, surprising them both. Audrey lets him, her hair brushing the side of his neck and under his chin oh so softly. She wonders if he felt it. He smells like coffee and old spice and Nathan up close.

They sit quietly in the truck until Nathan must think she's fallen asleep again. "I dreamt the day didn't reset after you were run down," she whispers into the dark. She hates how small her voice sounds. She hates how much she needs him to say it's not real. She knows it's not real. She can feel his hand in hers right now. Hear him breathing...

Nathan's fingers squeeze hers reassuringly.

"I'm here, Parker," And he is, oh God he is. Watching him die had terrified her. Maybe she's the only person he can feel but he's the only person who makes her feel like maybe this whole mess of her life is okay sometimes and she's so grateful to have him. She realizes he's still talking and tunes back in "...and Duke's here, hell even Chris is still kicking" he tells her and she can feel his voice as well as hear it from where her head rests.

Audrey squeezes his hand again and goes quiet. He is there and so is she. She's surprised when Nathan continues. 

"You didn't fail," he says and that is so much what she wanted to hear in that moment it hurts. He says it with such faith in her, faith she doesn't deserve. She wants to believe him. She wants to believe him so bad but those green tennis shoes keeps haunting her. There's a little girl tonight who's going to grow up without a dad because she couldn't save him. She saved the people who mattered to her but not the Troubled person who needed it. Doesn't that make her selfish? Shouldn't she have tried harder? 

"The hardest part of this job is learning you can't save the ones who don't want to be saved, Parker," he says quietly, his words careful like he's been thinking about saying them for a while now which is such a Nathan thing to do. The weight he gives them makes her pay attention. "Anson Shumway made his choice. He did what he did to save his daughter. That wasn't on you. That was on him. It's not fair to blame yourself for his actions, Audrey." 

Audrey doesn't know what to say to that. He's right. Logically, she knows he's right. She just doesn't feel absolved. 

"I know you feel like there was something you could have done, it's what makes you a good cop, what makes you so good with the Troubled. But you can't let it consume you. If you get caught up in second guessing yourself it'll eat you alive and worse it'll make you less effective in the field. You're too good a cop to waste on could've's and should've's."

Audrey takes all that in, can imagine she's hearing the Chief's words in Nathan's voice and knows Nathan must really believe them if he's willing to quote the Chief as he says them. She let's it all sit for a moment. Then nods once against his shoulder. She knows he's right. One day she might even believe it. In the meantime his faith in her will have to be enough. 

"Thanks," she murmurs quietly. 

They sit in silence until George Cooper gets home.


End file.
